the revolution starts now

weight = lifted

25 Things You Should Have Learned by Middle Age

Blogging For Future Reference

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1. If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Don’t worry about what people think; they don’t do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never

on priorities

So i have a question. I love your advice and figured you might be able to help me out

Im seeing this guy and i really like him. I’ve known him since august. I go away to school so its hard to see him, its usually only once or twice a month, but everytime i do see him we have a great time. He calls me every once and while when im at school and shoots me a few emails which is always nice. But sometimes he doesn’t call when he says he will. Or he’ll read an email of mine and wont respond back for a few days or even at all. He tells me he really likes me and he never gave me any doubt about that or that hes seeing someone else. But then sometimes i think im putting way more effort into this then he is. I know its just the beginning and these things take time But i guess i don’t know whats appropriate for this type of relationship

I’ve never been in a serious relationship, just casual ones. He’s had 2 very serious relationships, clearly more experience. Am i just being paranoid and trying too hard? What is okay to say or do at this point?

Thank you!

When I was younger, I found myself in a similar position.  The difference between you and I is that it never even crossed my mind that I might be putting in more effort than he was.  I want to commend you on the fact that you’re trying to make sure there’s a healthy balance.

From what you’ve written, it doesn’t sound like you’re trying too hard.  While there are always exceptions, I think one of the things that guys need when they like someone is their physical presence.  I would guess that this is why things are so great when you guys are together.  Females are very relational.  It is natural for us to text someone just to say hi or to call and say, “I’m thinking of you.”  Guys display their affection in a much more physical way.  The fact that you said you are seeing each other makes me assume that it’s not very serious just yet and you’re not calling each other by girl/boyfriend.  Because there’s not a label, it’s not a constant thought in his mind.  Even if he’s not seeing someone else, he does have a life that he’s living and, so far, you haven’t been given a significant role in it.  That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care and it doesn’t mean that it won’t happen in the future, but right now, that’s not where things are.

Because I don’t know you, I can’t tell you exactly what to do.  I would encourage you to listen to that gut feeling.  If you feel like you’re giving too much and not getting enough back, you have two choices.  You can talk with him about it and if the relationship (if you) are important to him, he will be thankful you brought it up (sometimes guys are a little dense, which means we have to be more blunt).  The other option is to step back a little.  Give him space.  Maybe let him know you’ll be in town next weekend and wait for him to get ahold of you.  If he likes you like he says he does, he will call/text/email/visit.  What you don’t need to do is prove yourself to him or compete for his affection.  I would guess that he knows you like him (if not, go ahead and tell him)… but if what you’re looking for is a good guy (and I’m trusting you do), then allow him to pursue you.  My mom used to tell me to let the guy call me.  As a teenager, I thought it was ridiculous.  As a 20-something, I think it’s really good advice.  With advances in technology, there are countless ways to get ahold of someone other than just calling.  I have realized that the kind of person I want to be with is someone who cares enough to make me a priority.

I understand that this all sounds good in theory.  ”Yeah, I can just wait on him.  Of course I want someone who will call when he says he will.  Most definitely I’m not going to stick around if he doesn’t value what we have enough to follow through on his word.”  There are often really good reasons for someone not being able to email you back, but it comes down to the choice.  I have a friend who has a three strikes rule that she sticks to consistently.  If a guy doesn’t follow through on something more than three times (without a good reason), he’s done.  There was a time when she had an old friend (who was actually an ex-boyfriend) that came to town.  They were supposed to meet up for dinner, and he called and said he was going to be a couple minutes.  She didn’t ask why and he didn’t say.  Some time went by and he didn’t show up.  He wasn’t answering his phone.  He wasn’t contacting her.  45 minutes later, he showed up.  The initial reason he was going to be late was because he had to take his bike because his car was in the shop (he did what it took to get there).  On the way, he got hit by a bus and had to wait for the ambulance to show up and check him out.  When he got to the restaurant, he was bandaged up and, if I remember correctly, he didn’t have to go to the hospital, but made the ambulance drop him off at the restaurant, because his bike was broken.  Point being - even though he had a perfectly valid reason for if he had never shown up, he made her a priority (even as an ex).  That’s pretty over the top and the chances of something exactly like that happening to you is slim, but the principle is the same.  Okay, so he’s busy - but a text takes 30 seconds.

Hopefully this isn’t too preachy or out there.  It sounds like you’re doing a great job keeping good boundaries.  A lot of what will help you is just keeping a healthy perspective on the situation.  You seem like a very intelligent girl and I have no doubt that you will continue doing a great job.   Keep it up, and remember - if someone won’t make you a priority in their life, they shouldn’t be one in yours.

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formspring friday

ecstasy

i didn’t even address the whole drug issue.

Ecstasy works by increasing dopamine and serotonin levels in the brain far beyond that which is produced normally.  (One of it’s components is methamphetamine - which can increase dopamine levels anywhere from 5,000-15,000% above what is normal.)  This means that when you’re coming down, your brain goes from having a ton, to having very little.  Dopamine and serotonin are the chemicals that allow you to feel pleasure.  When your brain is deprived, you feel very flat/dull/apathetic/disconnected.  Marijuana also affects the dopamine levels of the brain - which is why it helps you feel better.  You’re artificially giving it the chemical that it’s lacking.

If you continue using drugs, it will keep your body in a state of deprivation when you don’t have them in your system.  This is what causes dependance and this is why your body craves it - because it needs to get your chemicals back at a normal functioning level.  The problem with this is that the more you cause artificial production of these chemicals, the less it produces it on it’s own, and the more severe your symptoms of depression/lethargy/etc become.

The only way to get beyond this is to either live with the symptoms until your body learns to produce them again or to go talk to a doctor and get on medication (anti-depressants, etc) to artificially increase them and then taper the dose down (under a doctors care) while your brain learns how to produce them on its own.

question and answer

donts makes fun of way i talks :(

don’t embarrass the english language :(

Anyone ever tell you that you resemble Hermione?

you mean this?

vs.

nope.  never.  should they have?

i’m siiiiick.  and you know what’s worse that the sick itself?  it’s the feeling guilty about being home while my co-workers are trying to cover my job at work.  i sincerely miss the days in high school or college or even grad school, when the choice to take a sick day really only impacted me — not an army of other people such as co-workers and clients.

how in the world do i get over (or at least live with) that guilt so that i can be okay with taking time to get better???

one of the components of a good job is teamwork.  this means, everyone helps everyone else.  without teamwork, things take longer or don’t get done at all.  the reason teachers emphasize group work when we’re younger is so that we can be a good team player.  we can’t always be everything, all the time, to everybody.  the best way for you to get over this “guilt” (which, by the way, is totally unnecessary) is to take the time you need to get yourself healthy so that you can go back to work.  in the meantime, trust that the rest of your team will take care of the things you can’t.  you’d do the same for one of them, right?

you give great advice to others, so may i bother you with a question of my own?

I have recently moved in with my boyfriend and to a new state where i barely know a soul except his friends and family. Not knowing anyone makes it very uncomfortable, and lately I feel like he doesn’t want me around. Now I know that we both need to do our things and have our time to ourselves and what not, but its so hard having no one but him, and him leaving me out. How should I deal with this?

first of all, your question isn’t a bother.  second, i know that feeling of being new somewhere that you know hardly anyone.  i would suggest making a list of things that interest you and then look into how you can make these a regular part of your life.  the way to not feel left out is to have things that you can do on your own.  do you enjoy reading?  go to barnes & noble, buy a coffee, and read books for a few hours.  do you like music?  find out if a local coffee shop has talent nights and go hang out there.  do you enjoy dancing?  look into swing or salsa dancing lessons.  i don’t know where you live, but a lot of these things are free or very cheap.  enjoy writing?  call the local community college and find out if they have a writing class you could enroll in.  find a church, join a gym, go to the ywca or big brothers/big sisters and ask about volunteering opportunities.  these are all things that put you around other people and make it easier to make friends.  another benefit is that the people you meet while doing something you enjoy will probably have similar interests, since they’re there for the same reasons.  in the process, you will build confidence in your ability to do things on your own and you’ll also form a support group, so you don’t feel like your boyfriend is the only one you can turn to.

I did two pills of E on halloween and have been feeling really absent minded since then.  That totals me to my 5th pill and personally I’m not sure if it was smart for me to have done that cause I’ve been feeling a little absent minded. Smoking weed at night helps a little.  Anyways, I’m glad its Friday.

So why am I telling you this?  Well because you are one of the few blogs I follow with any hints of Christianity.  I’m actually Christian and consider myself a firm believer in Christ.  I recently began attending church regularly after graduating from college, something just told me that I ought to go back.  At first I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to do it, but my cousin convinced me that it was better than not going, and that no one would judge me if I never spoke of the things I have done and the things I continue to do.  But truth is, I judge myself all the time and I sometimes wish there was a middle ground for Christians like me who are on the fence tittering religion and what is considered sinful and worldly.

I understand that my history of substances will cause lots of people to frown upon me but I honestly truly feel that these substances made me really understand the full power of God and allowed me to become so much more of a spiritual person.  I would not be the God fearing man I am today without the past I was exposed to.  I have never really spoken to anyone about this because most of my friends aren’t Christians, and I would never dream of telling my family this, so I’m really curious as to what you think?

so you know that i’m a Christian, so a lot of the things i’m going to say are from that perspective.  i want to start by saying that my past is littered with things that would, as you said, “cause lots of people to frown upon me,” and i, too, “feel that these… made me really understand the full power of God.”  i want to also say that your cousin told you wrong.  all politics and inter-denominational beliefs aside, one of the fundamental components of Christianity is love.  if you are attending a church where condemnation is preached and used as a means to bring people to Christ, you need to find a new one.  God did not give us (as Christians) the directions to, “go out, judge everyone, tell them how wrong their choices are, and then invite them to church.”  He told us to love Him and love others.  the end.  this is one of the things that God is really working on in my life.  what many people in the church fail to see is that there is a huge difference between radical love and radical acceptance.  we are called to the former, but are afraid it will be perceived as the latter.

one of the things i would encourage you to do is examine your heart and the motive for your behaviors.  why is it that you feel you need drugs?  you admitted that you are a firm believer in Christ and that you recently started going back to church.  where are you still unfulfilled?  where are you still struggling?  what are you doing to fix it?  if you don’t feel you can talk to your family, then find someone else.  seek Godly counsel.  talk to the pastor.  find a male mentor to meet with on a regular basis.

it is not my job (or anyone else’s) to tell you what you’re doing is wrong.  the reason you’re reaching out is because you know it is.  it’s not my job (or anyone else’s) to tell you to change.  the reason you’re reaching out is because you know you need to.  a lot of times, the reason we ask for advice is not because we don’t know what to do… it’s because we do know what to do, we just don’t want to do it.  if you feel that you need to be in church, then find a church you can be real in, otherwise it will be completely counterproductive to your growth.  something i’ve realized is that i did not change because i was scared or threatened or degraded to a place where i felt i had to switch my lifestyle.  i changed because i realized how much i was loved.  it is that, “i love you in spite of what you do,” that brings us to a place of repentance and redemption.  ”i love you because of what you do,” only leaves us feeling obligated, resentful, and when we fail: unworthy.

remember, your worth is not tied to the things you do, the people you know, or the possessions you have.  your worth is inherent as a child of God.  what you have gone through has a purpose.  there is a plan for your life, a reason you are here.  ask God to reveal it to you.  what does He want you to learn from this?  where does he want you to go?  what is your next step?  who do you reach out to?  how do you move past this place of “riding the fence?”

i’ll be praying for you.  my contact info is at the top of the page if you have more questions.

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anything else?

101

you donts loves me anymores

you meant, “yous donts loves mes anymores,” right?  if you’re gonna mess with the grammar, at least be consistent.  :)

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comments?  thoughts?  stories?  brilliant ideas you haven’t shared yet because you were waiting for the perfect time to tell someone?

in other news...

i was a bit short on money this week, and the farmers market wasn’t there last night, so i had to use whatever was in my fridge for my morning omelette.  3 bites in, i realized the veggies were bad.  food poisoning was NOT on my to-do list today (but stick around, because it might be tomorrow!), so i picked out the veggies and ate the rest.  (poor people can’t be picky.)

it just occurred to me that this may be why my stomach is a bit upset.

OR it could have nothing to do with that and everything to do with the fact that i only got 3 hours of sleep last night.

steffaloo:

i used to throw up when i’d start to feel life too much.  i haven’t thrown up because of that in over a year.  i’ve either learned how to manage these feelings better, or i’ve just stopped feeling as much.  i’m afraid it’s the latter.  and i think i’d rather throw up and feel a lot than feel nothing and never throw up.

the problem is, no matter which extreme you’re at, you always wish you were on the other one.