I’m Desiree and I’m 30.
This blog is pro-recovery
, and yet still pro-reality
. I hope you find something that speaks to you, wherever you are..
I have spent the last 4 years, fighting for recovery from an Eating Disorder that I’ve had for over 10 years, as well as the aftereffects of years of trauma and abuse. I can honestly say that I am happier now than I’ve ever been.
I know firsthand, the path to recovery isn’t easy, but it’s worth fighting for
it’s true, you know…my worst days in recovery are better than my best days in relapse.
• Ask me anything
the revolution starts now
One of the biggest problems about recovery is the inconsistency of it.
Some days, you are a superhero. You eat all of your meals, and still find beauty in the fullness of your stomach. However, the not-so-wonderful days are the deterrent. You wake up, and cannot find a thing appealing about yourself. When beauty is no longer the goal—you just want to not hate yourself.
Then, you find yourself wishing you knew you were skinny when you were skinny. You hate that wish. It is the creepy uncle that no one likes who sits in the corner and stares at everyone at Thanksgiving. But you cannot help but think it.
You were not skinny, you were dying. You were trying to be invisible; you were trying to shrink away from life. It got so severe that you just stopped functioning, didn’t you?
You may not have known you were skinny,
but you knew you were dying.
— Michelle K., Bad Days In Recovery. (via michellekpoems)
11:18 am • 5 November 2013 • 2,290 notes • View comments
So, how do you live?
I know how to recover. Eat, promise to eat, eat more. Stand in the mirror, promise yourself that your being is beautiful. That the growing stomach and thighs are just growing with power over your toxic mind. Insist you are perfect and wonderful until you believe it.
But how do you actually live?
How do you not write, think, breathe the ghost of your disorder? You’ve spent a decade slowly killing yourself from the inside out. How do you find yourself without your sickness? I can’t help but wonder what will happen to me when I am no longer the snide, sick bitch with puke stains on her cheek. I can’t help but wonder how will they react when you are no longer a dying patient. Who will I become when I can no longer introduce myself as the girl with an eating disorder?
How do you live?
— Michelle K., How Do You Live? (via michellekpoems)
1:25 pm • 31 October 2013 • 775 notes • View comments
It’s been awhile since I posted a picture…
Is anyone even following me? (Like to confirm)
7:05 pm • 30 October 2013 • 5 notes • View comments
“Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; But eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, Stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them.”
— Iyanla Vanzant (via a-lionsheart)
(Source: her0inchic, via learningtobefre-ed)
2:13 pm • 29 October 2013 • 31,097 notes • View comments
“the courage it took to get out of bed each
to face the same things
over and over
— Charles Bukowski (via stay-ocean-minded)
(Source: adderalldust, via reachingforrecovery)
2:00 pm • 29 October 2013 • 76,543 notes • View comments
“Let whatever you do today be enough. Let go of the judgement you have about what you should be or could be doing, and today, allow yourself to simply be. Comparing yourself and your journey may be habitual, but it gets you nowhere. It makes you feel worse and it keeps you stuck. So stop fixating on where everyone else is, and start giving yourself permission to be exactly where you are. Quiet the voice telling you to do more and be more, and trust that in this moment, who you are, where you are at, and what you are doing is enough. You will get to where you need to be in your own time. Until then, breathe. Breathe and be patient with yourself and your process. You are doing the best you can to cope and survive amid your struggles, and that’s all you can ask of yourself. It’s enough. You are enough.”
— Daniell Koepke (via internal-acceptance-movement)
11:57 am • 29 October 2013 • 2,785 notes • View comments
“You are enough.
Paint it on your mirrors,
on the back of your eyelids,
drown it in your stomach,
sing it in every word you say.
You are never too much.
Eat your food,
sleep eight hours,
walk like you love yourself.
You are enough.
Say it in your sleep,
mantras to carry you through your day.
There is never enough of you.
You are a thirst that is never quenched.
I crave you when you’re away.
I love every piece of you.
But I cannot make you love yourself.”
— Michelle K., You Are Enough. (via fawun)
(Source: michellekpoems, via reachingforrecovery)
11:42 am • 29 October 2013 • 50,604 notes • View comments
“Every morning, we get a chance to be different. A chance to change. A chance to be better. Your past is your past. Leave it there. Get on with the future part.”
— Nicole Williams (via themilkywhiteway)
(Source: winterkristall, via learningtobefre-ed)
12:41 pm • 26 October 2013 • 65,646 notes • View comments
God is bigger than:
- Your past.
- Your depression.
- Your pain.
- Your hate.
- Your anger.
- Your doubt.
- Your fear.
- Your shame.
- Your eating disorder.
- Your self harm.
- Your anxiety.
- Your loneliness.
- Your scars.
- This world.
11:39 pm • 6 August 2013 • 8,806 notes • View comments
“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.”
— Elizabeth Taylor (via cerseihouselannister)
(Source: psych-facts, via beinglaura)
1:35 am • 5 August 2013 • 9,612 notes • View comments